“I think it’s really important to be a gracious host. The more comfortable you make someone feel, the better interview you’ll ultimately get.” – Katie Couric
I’ve studied some of the great interviewers and journalists of our time. I’ve read their memoirs and other instructional books, reviewed interviews they’ve done, borrowed some of their good questions, and watched them speak about the craft of interviewing. I pay attention to the good work my colleagues are doing. I’ve also gone to graduate school (Go, Huskies!) to study the art of reminiscence and learn from some brilliant practitioners and professors about the specific skills it takes to draw out life stories. I’m constantly reading books (and sharing them with you) about storytelling, listening, memory, conversation, ageism, reminiscence, grief, and more. I want to learn from the best.
Over the past 7 years, I’ve interviewed political, business, religious, and community leaders with expert status in their respective arenas. I’ve interviewed award-winning producers, media personalities, authors, lawyers, healthcare professionals, educators, philanthropists, military officials, family matriarchs and patriarchs, and more. I prepare diligently for each interview I do. When provided, I review genealogy, background, and key life events. When available, I’ve watched previous interviews conducted with these individuals. I want to get acquainted with my storytellers before the interview day, so I can be the best at what I do and bring out the best in each person.
Even though some of the storytellers I’ve worked with have been on camera before, almost everyone sitting across from me for an interview is understandably a bit nervous. Most people want to be presented in a favorable light (especially on camera!), and a basic human need of all people is to be understood. I invite a nervous storyteller to take a deep breath, and I use the same technique to calm any anxious feeling that I might have. I approach the interview with basic social skills that are the foundation of good human relationships – genuine interest, freedom to express oneself, tact, and perception. All of this, combined with technique and experience, helps me be the best at what I do.
For those who want to get started as a personal historian, for those who want to interview a loved one about their life stories, or for those who simply want to expand their conversation skills, I’ve collected some of my best thoughts and tips to share. These are the same constructs I use in my work and how I onboard crew members for my projects. There is an art to the legacy film interview. I think they are important life skills, and I want to encourage you in the places where you might meet or “interview” someone.
You’re smart and well-equipped for this work
The person you’re speaking with might be wealthier and more well-known. They might have a higher IQ with storehouses of knowledge to impart, but you’re smart too. Trust yourself and what you bring to the conversation. Be confident in your lived experience (I’ve repeated that to myself before many an interview!), and approach another person with curiosity to discover what is unique about them. By being human, you’re hard-wired to use story-sharing to engage with others.
You’re not that smart.
First point aside, the person you’re interviewing IS the smartest in the room for the day. They are the only person who knows about the intricate details of their own life story and journey. You are there to learn and have your life enriched by another person’s story. Even though you might be in the driver’s seat, it’s not all about you. And wouldn’t our world be a bit brighter if more conversation leaders had this mindset?
Think before you listen.
Some people say listening is the most important part of a conversation, but I’d say it’s listening with intention. Listening is a verb, and I’m so grateful to those who have modeled this for me. A conversation is not meant to be a rote peppering (or manipulating) of another person with good questions. It’s about asking good questions and knowing how to give space and care. Our bodies speak just as much as our words – sometimes more truthfully. So much about good conversation is learning to read and understand non-verbal cues. I use unspoken body language – mine and theirs – to help direct my interviews. Silence is also normal and important, and our ability to navigate that can be learned. Visible emotions are expected. These are real-life stories after all.
Differences enrich life.
Culture, economics, politics, race, religion, and generational differences might be worth noting but not a reason to avoid a conversation altogether. We would miss a lot if we allowed our differences to keep us from conversing. The most important skill I’ve learned as an interviewer is acceptance. Join me in working to improve ways to bridge our differences.
Be prepared.
Many factors play into how a person might reminisce and respond in an interview – memory, comfort, mood, etc. The key is for an interviewer is to be as neutral and steady as possible so that his or her discomfort doesn’t contribute to a negative project outcome. I work to be well-rested and ready for each interview day so that I’m comfortable, clear-headed, and thinking positively. When you’re approaching an important conversation, be prepared.
Be professional.
Memory prompts and conversation cards abound on the internet. They’re everywhere. But memory books sit on shelves empty or half-done. A professional guide can make sure that your project gets done and done well. There are all kinds of training for historians and life story practitioners to develop the skills written about here. Professionalism also includes confidentiality and ethics surrounding a person’s life stories. I agree to certain terms with my clients and want you to trust that your stories and memories are safely received and stored. If you want to take your family project or personal historian business to the next level, show up as a professional leader.
Stay curious.
If there’s a subject you’re unfamiliar with, ask about it. I’ve had storytellers tell me about their work, travels, etc. Some of this information is new to me, and I’ll often ask for definitions, basic clarification, and specific details about how something works. I know that if I don’t know, there’s a good chance someone in the family may not know either. Your curiosity represents the curiosity of others who may engage with the project later. Genuine curiosity is most often very well received. I work hard to reflect what I am hearing from a storyteller, so that they can, in turn, reflect on their lives.
When you work with Sacred Stories, we bring our very best to each project – which includes all the best practices and research in the field of reminiscence and oral history interviews. We hire the best production crew members to work with us to choreograph the interview day from beginning to end, and we aim to bring out the very best in you to create our amazing legacy and tribute film productions. We’re here to help you and love coaching others to learn skills to equip them for this work.