For several years, I’ve worked in memory care communities, leading activities and reminiscence groups, and it has changed the way I think about storytelling, memory, and what it means to know another person.
Before these experiences, I mostly thought of our memories as little life tidbits that replay in our minds and are told over time. But as I have interacted with those living with some form of dementia and their families, I have come to learn that memory is much deeper than what we recall. Even when details fade and articulation of our words becomes difficult, the stories of our lives remain – the emotions we felt, the rhythm and patterns of how those stories came into our lives, the comforting familiarity of certain life experiences, and the connection shared memories bring to our relationships.
I’ve witnessed the gift of reminiscence as I’ve spent time with people living with dementia. A certain song can change a mood. A familiar image can spark energy, grief, or conversation. A simple question can open a doorway to the heart (for the storyteller and the listener).
For those experiencing memory loss, photos, videos, songs, anecdotes, and meaningful objects matter deeply. They are touchstones to care and connection. They bring balance to both caregiver and care receiver. They are seemingly simple things that fill all of our lives with meaning — no matter our life stage or abilities.
Are you a spouse or caregiver of someone living with dementia? Do you know someone who has a neurocognitive disorder? Here are some helpful thoughts about reminiscing with those who have some kind of memory loss:
Music Unlocks Something Powerful
Music is one of the most powerful tools I have witnessed in working with those in memory care.
A resident who had been mostly quiet all morning might suddenly begin singing every word to a song from childhood. Someone who seems withdrawn might start tapping their foot or smiling when the music starts to play.
Music often reaches us when words cannot.
Think about the music you or your loved one knew as a child or young adult. Creating playlists from different eras of life can sometimes spark stories, emotions, and moments of connection.
Of course, music can also bring difficult memories or grief. This requires sensitivity on the part of the caregiver. The goal is not to force emotion but to gently create opportunities for familiarity, comfort, and joy.
Images Can Open Conversation
Photographs can also be incredibly meaningful, though not always in the ways we expect.
Family photos sometimes create confusion or sadness if a person cannot fully place who they are seeing. But generic images can become wonderful conversation starters: old cars, barns, birds, beaches, gardens, vintage kitchens, cities, animals, landscapes, holiday decorations, tools, or scenes from everyday life.
Images give the brain something tangible to engage with.
If you are leading a time of reminiscence, focus on curiosity and emotion instead of focusing on accuracy or memory testing.
You might try prompts like:
- “This photo makes me think about how much you love birds.”
- “Did you ever ride in a car like this?”
- “This reminds me of summertime.”
- “This looks peaceful. Does it remind you of a special place?”
- “I could imagine you enjoying a place like this.”
Don’t rush past the silence. The goal is not retrieving the “right” memory. The goal is connection.
More Tips for Reminiscing with Those Living with Dementia or Alzheimer’s
Avoid Testing Memory
Instead of asking:
- “Do you remember when…?”
- “Who is this?”
- “What year was that?”
Try these prompts:
- “This picture makes me think of how much you loved working outside.”
- “Tell me about this place.”
- “You seem so happy to hear music like this.”
Open-ended prompts reduce pressure and create space for conversation without fear of getting something “wrong.”
Be Patient With Silence
After asking a question or sharing a prompt, pause. Processing information can take longer for some, and silence does not always mean disconnection. A little extra time can allow someone to gather their thoughts or feelings.
Let Stories Be Told Again and Again
If someone tells the same story repeatedly, let them share it again. The repetition may not feel repetitive to them. Often, the emotional experience of sharing matters more than the factual content of what is being shared.
Avoid Correcting Unnecessarily
If someone speaks about the past as though it is happening now or forgets critical information about their life story, try not to correct them. This can often cause distress or confusion. If there is no immediate harm, it is often kinder to respond to the feeling underneath the statement rather than the factual inaccuracy. In the context of caring for someone living with dementia, reminiscing is less about remembering and more about helping people feel safe, known, and loved in the moment.
Watch for Signs of Frustration
Reminiscing should feel easy, not painful and exhausting. If someone becomes overwhelmed, tired, anxious, or agitated, it may be time to shift activities or change the subject.
Stories Matter
My time spent in memory care communities continues to shape the way I approach every legacy film interview I conduct today. I’ve learned important lessons: patience, attentive listening, and the emotional depth of narrative identity. All of this informs the way I work with families now. Every life is made up of countless moments, but I try to listen for the threads, themes, and values that tie those moments together.
I’ve found that many of the same approaches that help someone living with dementia feel seen and engaged are actually helpful for all of us. Most people do not respond well to feeling quizzed or pressured to “perform” their memories correctly. When people are given space, helpful prompts, meaningful images, music, and curiosity, stories will emerge.
The experience of working in memory care communities has given me a much deeper understanding of storytelling and reminiscence and how to honor a person’s humanity. It has taught me that memory is emotional, sensory, relational, and deeply connected to how we experience love and belonging.
A person’s value is never dependent on how much they can remember or communicate.
If someone you love is experiencing memory loss, consider what parts of their story can still be honored, celebrated, and preserved today. Who in your life might need the gift of reminiscing, curiosity, and presence? Who in your life might simply need to be reminded that their story still matters and is still unfolding in important ways? Whether through everyday conversations, intentional legacy work with photographs and music, or the professional experience of creating a legacy film, there are important ways of reminiscing that can lead to connection for both present and future generations.