Can you think of a moment when generations, old friends, or longtime communities might come together? Family reunions may be the obvious answer. But any gathering of people with a shared history can become a “family reunion” of sorts where memories begin to flow.
In recent years, I’ve been thinking a lot about the value and purpose of gathering. I read Priya Parker’s wonderful book The Art of Gathering, and I enjoyed the 2024 documentary Join or Die. I recommend both if, like me, you’ve ever wondered how and why we gather together and how we might create more spaces to do it meaningfully and well.
Gathering a large group together in person, with intention, takes some effort. There are invitations to send, food to plan, spaces to arrange, and all the logistics that come with bringing people together. But these kinds of gatherings can connect us in ways that social media, texts, and quick check-ins can’t.
As someone who specializes in life stories, I see gatherings as something more than a date on the calendar. They are places where our stories are nurtured, remembered, and passed along. Whatever brings you together, something interesting happens when people who share a history find themselves in the same room: Stories are shared.
- Do you remember when…?
- Whatever happened to…?
- I haven’t thought about that in years!
You might be with people you know well, people you were once close to, or people you never had the chance to know very well. As you begin talking, memories that have been sitting quietly for days or decades can come back to life. I want to share a few thoughts about how to incorporate STORY into your next family reunion, holiday celebration, birthday or anniversary party, professional organization event, alumni reunion, or other large group gathering. I hope it gives you some new insights into how you might thoughtfully approach these unique opportunities for reminiscence.
The People Who Remember With Us
We tend to think of our memories as something we carry individually. And, of course, we do. But some of our memories can reside with and expand through other people, too.
Your sister may remember something about your childhood that you have forgotten. An old friend may remember the person you were at twenty. A longtime member of your place of worship may remember an important season in its history. A former colleague or associate may remember the early days of an organization that has changed dramatically over the years.
None of us holds the entire story. But when people gather, the pieces begin to come together.
That is part of the beauty of collective memory.
Our stories don’t live only inside us. They also live in the people who experienced ordinary life and/or significant moments alongside us. And that makes a gathering, a family reunion, or a reunion of another kind a wonderful place for storytelling.
Invite a Special Storyteller to Share Their Memories
Sometimes the best thing you can do at a family gathering is put Grandma in the “hot seat”. We first shared this idea in our ebook, and several people have said they’ve taken it to heart. If Grandma is willing, gather everyone around her and let her be the storyteller. Ask the questions you’ve always wondered about. Give the grandchildren a chance to learn about her life before they knew her.
- What was she like as a little girl?
- Who was her best friend?
- How did she meet Grandpa?
- What was her first job?
- What did she do for fun?
- What did she dream about when she was young?
- What was the hardest thing she ever had to do?
The most important part: let Grandma decide what she wants to share. The goal isn’t to pry or make Grandma feel uncomfortable. The purpose is to give someone an audience genuinely interested in hearing a unique perspective. And, of course, Grandma doesn’t have to be the only one in the “hot seat”. Every gathering has its storytellers and history keepers. Perhaps you could invite the founding member of a company or the longtime leader of your community to share their memories. Your favorite storyteller might be an educator who has watched generations of students come and go or the friend who has been there since the beginning. If someone special is willing, give them the floor. Sometimes people need some encouragement and the right questions, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Use Old Photos to Spark Stories
Old photographs are one of the easiest ways to start a conversation. Encourage people to bring old photographs, yearbooks, or albums to your next event. These artifacts can quickly get people talking.
- Who is that?
- Where was this taken?
- I remember that day!
- Look how young we were!
The best stories aren’t always in the photograph itself. The photograph is usually a doorway to memories and stories.
Ask About the People Who Aren’t There
One of the most meaningful things about gathering with people who share a history is the opportunity to remember those who are no longer present. Families can talk about grandparents, aunts, uncles, and relatives younger generations never had the opportunity to know. Communities can remember the people who helped build something meaningful.
- Who was there in the beginning?
- Who made everyone laugh?
- Who always showed up?
- Who do you remember today?
These conversations keep people present in our collective memory. You may discover that someone in the room holds a piece of the story you’ve been missing.
Create Multigenerational Conversations
Storytelling isn’t only for the oldest people in the room. One beautiful thing about a multigenerational gathering is that everyone brings a different perspective. Children may ask questions adults haven’t thought to ask. Teenagers may be surprised to discover that their older generations once had adventures, made mistakes, and worried about the future. Older adults may enjoy hearing how younger generations remember experiences. The most interesting stories can emerge when people of different ages compare and discuss what they remember.
- What was school like when you were growing up?
- What did you do for fun?
- What was your first job?
- What did this community look like when you were young?
- What do you hope never changes?
Every generation adds another chapter to a growing story about life.
More Questions to Spark Meaningful Conversations
Don’t Worry If Everyone Remembers It Differently
Families are interesting little communities. Ask three siblings about the same childhood event, and you may hear three completely different versions. The same is true in communities. Ask several people about the early days of an organization, and you may quickly discover that everyone remembers something different. Our perspectives make the puzzle come together and add to life’s richness.
Keep It Simple
Don’t overthink introducing story into your next family or community event. It only takes one good question posed in a circle of people gathering together.
- What’s one of your earliest memories about _____ ?
- What is something you remember that younger people here may not know?
- What is one story from this family (or community) that you hope never gets forgotten?
The conversation may go somewhere you never expected.
A Gathering Is a Living Library of Stories
Stories aren’t always written down or recorded. They live in people. The next time you’re at a family reunion, community gathering, or other get-together, resist the urge to devise an escape plan. Instead, think of the people around you as a living library. Stories can be found in this moment that you won’t find anywhere else. Take advantage of the conversations that carry archival information. Ask questions. Be curious. Pull a book off the shelf you’ve never read before.
Maybe a story you hear stays with you. Follow up with the person who told it. Ask another question. Write down what you remember. Pick up the phone a few days later and say, “I’ve been thinking about that story you told me…” One conversation can lead to another… and then another… and then another.
That’s how we keep stories alive. Yes, it’s great to record them, but we should also tell them, ask about them, and pass the nuggets of wisdom along to others.
Someday, someone may ask you about that person you were talking to or about that moment when you were engaged in story-sharing, and you’ll have a new story to tell.
Some stories are worth revisiting long after the reunion is over. A Sacred Stories Legacy Film can help preserve a loved one’s stories, voice, and personality for future generations.
So, Gather ‘Round
In this time of digital fatigue, generational segregation, and hyper-disconnection, show up and be present to your family and community gatherings. Exercise the muscle that is social engagement. Participate in group events with those you are connected to in some way. Maybe you share a family name, a faith tradition, a neighborhood, a profession, a school, or a particular season of life. Gather around whatever connects you. There is likely a story worth discovering when you do.
If you’re looking for more questions to help preserve personal memories, our Stories of My Life workbook offers prompts designed to help people reflect on and record their experiences.