Perhaps the secret to a happy life isn’t about making the right choices so much as learning to live with the ones we do make. – Mary Louise Kelly
I am the parent of a high school graduate. To experience this is another one of those life milestones that you never could quite understand until you get there. It’s filled with emotions and reflection as the rhythm and closeness of daily routines begin to make their shift again. It’s a time when you become extremely mindful of “lasts”.
I’ve been replaying moments with my son over the years. As we prepare for each celebratory event and the graduation ceremony itself, I find myself reflecting not just on his journey, but on my own.
Some moments in life are so powerful, they don’t just mark time—they open a doorway to our memories and to how to live more fully in the present. “Life is in the transitions”, author Bruce Feiler said*. Feiler is speaking to the idea that certain times in our lives carry more emotional weight than others, and it’s these kinds of moments that influence how we remember and will often be something we’ll remember in the future. Maybe you can think of times in your life like this. Maybe, like me, you’re in one now.
Big life transitions remind us of time’s passage, growth, and change, and they often bring generations together. When loved ones gather, the memories we’re all carrying often get spoken out loud. Stories start to surface:
- “When I graduated, the world was a very different place…”
- “Your grandfather worked two jobs so we could go to college.”
- “I remember how proud I felt when I walked across that stage.”
- “Remember when I was in the first grade and …”
These stories are more than memories—they are bridges. They connect us to the past and anchor us in a lineage of resilience, dreams, and identity.
But we don’t need to wait for a graduation, a birthday, a memorial, or a pivotal “lifequake”* season of our lives to begin asking questions that invite stories.
Interviewing Someone We Love: An Invitation to Deeper Connection
Anytime we interview someone, it sparks reflection about the journey and can illuminate important moments in life. When we take time to ask questions of our parents, grandparents, graduates(!), or other people we know, we gain insights not only into history, but into our own values and struggles. I’ve found this to be foundational in the work that I do as a personal and family historian, as I often get to listen to people who are well-acquainted with a list of “lasts”. In my work, I get the privilege of helping people carve out the time to reflect. My clients and storytellers tell me they are grateful. They are experiencing the therapeutic benefits of reminiscence. We can all create spaces like this for others in our daily lives simply by asking another person about their life stories and giving our attention and good listening.
These interviews can be recorded on video or audio, or written down as keepsakes. They become living documents—treasures for the participants and for future generations to revisit and learn from.
Everyday Opportunities to Remember
Not everyone is going to interview a loved one, and big milestone events like graduation, retirement, birthdays, and anniversaries don’t come around all the time. But there are smaller moments that open the door for reflection, too:
- Looking through photo albums
- Making a family recipe together
- Sorting keepsakes or cleaning out a room
- Watching a movie or listening to music from the past
- Holidays
In these moments, pause and ask good questions, unlock the magic of storytelling, and discover the difference it makes.
It’s a New Day
As my son prepares to step into adulthood, I’m reminded that time is always moving. I can’t believe I’ve been a mom for nearly two decades and how quickly it all went by. This graduation season is a catalyst for a lot of wonderful memories. I’m also mindful of some mistakes I made along the way and the precious times that I took for granted. But there are no do-overs. You can’t go back, but you can look back. We don’t get to hit pause, but we can press record. Whatever is happening in your life, make a little space for reflection. Honor the moments and stories that paved the way by accepting them, sharing them, and using them to inform what happens next.
To the Class of 2025. To All of Us Living Through Transitions
Remember your roots and embrace your memories with curiosity and courage. Reflection is a gift and an essential part of what it means to be human. Let the wisdom you find in the stories of life be the foundation for a bright tomorrow.
I do recognize that some “lifequake” moments aren’t always happy ones, and the remembering of certain events can be painful. Sometimes transition moments happen to us, and sometimes they happen because of us. Do you have a before-and-after life transition moment? Divorce or Breakup, Marriage or a New Relationship, Becoming a Parent, Career Change, Retirement, Coming Out, Losing a Loved One, Losing a Job, Illness or Surgery, Natural Disaster. Take some time to reflect, and I hope you will share a part of your story with someone who cares.
- What changed for me after this moment?
- What part of my identity was challenged or reshaped during this time?
- Who or what helped me most during this period? And who or what didn’t?
- What did I let go of, and what did I gain?
- How has this experience changed my understanding of what matters in life?
*Bruce Feiler wrote the book “Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age”. Feiler calls the really big life transition moments “lifequakes”, “autobiographical occasions”, or “narrative events” and says most of us have about 3-4 of those during our lifetime. We wrote about this book as part of our #s2bookreview series. Click here to see this and other books we recommend.